Yes, the blog name does have some truth.

The name for this blog really says it all about my past, present, and future (I'm guessing.)  The past year for me has been a roller coaster ride, but I know it's leading me to happiness.  I am not going to promise you a blog that you will love to read, or even like to read.  This is mainly going to be used as an outlet for me, and I am sure my boyfriend will be thankful for that.

For years beyond years I have always been trying to get fit and live the life of a "skinny girl."  Growing up there wasn't a night that went by that I didn't pray to God to make me magically thin and I would go to church every Sunday in return.  Trying to convince Him that I would be a better servant if I was thin.  While that might be the case, I know (now) that He wasn't just going to hand it over to me, because what would I really learn from that?  Obviously it took me some time to realize that, actually the realization came just as I was writing this.  I am embarrassed about the fact that I made such a silly plea but at the same time it just made me realize why it didn't happen, that it wasn't God's fault, it was my own.  Nobody (typically) makes money without working.  Nobody achieves a goal without working.  So why did I think that I would just say a prayer, and bam! It would be nice thought... :)  But reality has finally sunk in.  I of course have done my share of diets, the good and the bad.  But in the end I obviously found out that good (if you call it that) old fashioned calorie counting and exercising were the key.  At one point I did have a personal trainer, and was successful at losing weight.  But that's when I realized another key issue, I would use food as a reward.  We would have weigh-ins every week, but the ones that mattered were the ones that were every 6 weeks.  I would weigh in, and if results happened, I would reward myself with fast food.  Also if I weighed in and I disapproved of the results, I would get mad, and get fast food.  So I am sure you can see the problem here.  After awhile I really couldn't afford to have a trainer due to life complications, and the excitement for it all just wore off.

Feb 2010 I lost my job due to reasons I am not going to address because I don't want steam to come shooting out my ears.  Since I could no longer afford to live on my own my boyfriend and I decided I would move in with him.  No, it was not the only reason why the move was made.  We had been previously talking about it, and I was actively looking for jobs in the Kenosha, WI area.  This has been the greatest thing to happen in the last couple of years!  Thankfully they also allow pets, so that was a relief!  Annie is enjoying being queen of the castle once again!  Granted I still have not found a job yet, but I did enroll in school for the fall.  Right now just basic administrative courses since I am unable to really pin down my desires. I enjoy being an "assistant" but I know that I don't want to do that forever.

So, why am I writing all of this?  My goal is to entertain, but mainly to find myself, and put some "work" into my life.  I struggle with a lot of negative thoughts about myself, and the things I set out to do.  I really would like to "talk" my way to the root of the multiple struggles I have to gain some ground in my life.  I have always felt that I am at the bottom of everyone's "important" list, and I need to make myself important on my own list.

I love my family and Kevin (boyfriend) more than I thought possible.  Recent events have really made me look at the things that I view as important.  Priorities are being aligned and I think that the next few years are going to be the best one's yet!  I thank God everyday for the people I have in my life! 

Feel free to leave your thoughts and feelings, I enjoy reading everyone's input!